Breaking Up - Where is the love?

Where is the love we had when we first fell for each other.

Where is the love in our marriage?

Why am I getting a divorce?

How did it get to this point?

These are some of the questions we ask our selves when we have reached the lowest of lows in our relationships. There is constant arguing, name calling, you probably even saw him raise that hand for you, just when anger has reached its breaking point, that is when the tears begin and your heart breaks.

A friend of mine once told me 'When you find a good man, make sure you hold him by the neck, because there are not many outside' another friend made a reference to the ladies; being a guy himself he mentioned how 'Women are the most complicated beings in the world'. We all have our stories to tell about the opposite sex, each one has their very own complexities, we just can't help it, it's built in us. Both of them had good points though., it often seems that every time we enter into a relationship; 'he's not the right guy' or 'she's not the perfect fit and it doesn't seem as though they would look like the settling down type'.

When you finally enter a relationship there would be those moments where you are just not sure, or you find yourself being in the shade and you just don't feel complete. Then you would have your other moments where you would wonder where did you find this one and how lucky you are to be in that very relationship. Sometimes those moments don't last forever and a few months later, the fighting begins, you don't really remember how it started, but you vaguely recall a completely bizarre situation and this huge fight followed soon afterward.
There would be times where you both go through the silent treatment; you avoid eye contact, you stop doing the things you usually do for them, and most of all you stop communicating all together. Let's say this goes on for a week; that is an entire week without any sort of relation, but what we don't get is the only way for a relationship to pull through, their must be that aspect of communication.

People don't want to hear a simple 'I love you' to make everything go away or a simple 'I'm sorry', anyone could say those words. You could have easily read from a book that it's good to apologize for something even though you have no idea what you did wrong, it's the only way the both of you could move on; that is complete rubbish. Relationships go far beyond words, you should be able to tell your partner you are sorry by showing them, and I don't mean going out and buy cliched flowers, chocolates, jewelry, or his favorite sports jeans in hope he would forget everything that went wrong that week, your partner would simply enjoy something that came from the heart, something they wouldn't have to ask from you to do just because... you love them. It all boils down to that, and that's only the basic part. You don't have to stress yourself, actually you shouldn't, like I mentioned before, love goes beyond words, without saying it. If you know your partner loves you even before they say those lovely three words, then you know you have something special in your life and you should hold it by the neck.

Still, there is always that possible void and you second guess whether they love you or even if you still love them. You argue a lot and you just can't find the time. Arguing results when there are unresolved issues. You know the feeling like you have something on your throat and you just can't bring it up; okay sounds a bit messy but that is how the relationship becomes after a while - messy. You argue so much, you can't remember the last time you had a decent conversation. You can't even remember the last time you said you loved each other and you find yourself falling out of love because you grow to dislike this person you constantly fight with. No one wants to be with someone that constantly makes them miserable. Every time you come home you know you are going to roll your eyes and hold your head from the instant headache you would receive from living with this person, soon they become just an annoying roommate you want to get rid of and it's sad when you start to think that way.

"There was a time when I believed that he was the one, now I don't even know who he is anymore"

"She told me she loved me the very first day we met, since then I don't know how she feels about me now"

"I can't believe it's over, I always thought we would be together forever"

"Do I love him?"

"Does she love me?"

These were some of the comments made when I observed how my friends relationships were souring and I always remembered how they used to be when they started going out; happy, in love. It always surprised me knowing them for so long and watching them grow apart.

I always applauded my parents for being married forty years and still going. They remind me of the times I knew what true love was about and I still see it in them. They argued mostly about my brothers and their tom boy ways growing up; always getting into trouble, but that was it.

Times are different, relationships have changed from long, long ago, we no longer focus on the little details anymore because let's face it, times are hard, you barely cope with your job and you come home stressed out so much that you spend very minimum time with each other. That's how it is, out of our hands, out of reach.

I don't believe that though. Sure work can be a drag at times, but I would look forward to spending a peaceful night with the one I love even if it's for a short time. I would remember the fact that I kissed him about twenty minutes ago and that would still be a short time.
Time feels as though it runs out on us and that there are only so many minutes in a day, but you make the most of it.

Yet if I have had a stressful day at work and I come home to a saddened lifestyle beyond repair, then what's the use of that; being unhappy and miserable and uncomfortable in your own home, there are times when you just know when a relationship is over and other times where you wait out the days hoping tomorrow would be different, but how could it especially when you do nothing. Nothing comes from doing nothing.

Where is the love?

The question should be 'Is this love?'

If you find yourself asking Is this love, then you know where you stand in your relationship, it's up to you to decide how to stop the tears.


Lexa


For more information contact me at
lexabuti@hotmail.com